I am learning. Somehow the progress is coming through and I am learning. I suppose the one thread that is running through all of this learning and healing process is acceptance. Acceptance is something to achieve, a milestone, a marker for every hurt brought through this process.
- Acceptance is a paradox sometimes. Acceptance is complex.
- Acceptance yearns for confirmation of its right-ness, but Acceptance must simply be, without external justification or validation.
- Acceptance cannot ever be black-and-white, it must at least be shades of grey.
- Acceptance is a continuous process of re-confirmation for those who are deeply hurt or unsure of their own recovery.
I am learning. I am learning in greys. I am learning in colours. I simply cannot express my hurt or re-build the construct of myself or re-trace a patchwork life in black-and-white.
I have an image of my life as a quilt. Constructed of patches found along the way, scraps, momentos, symbols stitched together. I have collected my scraps of hurts and experiences and carried them with me as separate pieces of my life. My recovery now is the making of my quilt.
The patches are my Acceptances, the patterns laid down to reflect structure amid the chaos of colour and mismatched pieces from my past. Together, these pieces become one entity, one whole.
The quilt is cherished for the love and care of creating it. It is valued for the detailed, patient effort of bringing the patches together, giving it form and foundation with the smallest of stitches applied to each and every piece. It is appreciated for its uniqueness and its re-captured purpose. As scraps the pieces are nearly worthless, cast-off bits of rubbish to most. The quilt becomes priceless.
Things such as this have their own beauty and purpose in this life. I am learning to accept the preciousness of this quilt with all its mis-matched pieces.